The other morning started off rough.
My toddler woke up and from the moment he opened his eyes, it felt like everything was a struggle. He didn’t want breakfast, except for a banana. He didn’t want to get dressed. He didn’t want to put on his shoes. Every suggestion I made seemed to end in a meltdown.
As I sat there feeling defeated, I started wondering if I was making things harder than they needed to be. I realized some days when I’m overwhelmed, I spend a lot of my day asking him what he wants. What do you want for breakfast? What do you want to do today? Do you want to go outside?
I always thought giving him choices was helping him feel independent, but that morning had me questioning whether I was giving him too many options and not enough direction.
That’s when I started thinking about the balance between letting toddlers have a voice and simply taking the lead as the parent.
While giving children some control can be beneficial, too many options can actually become overwhelming—especially for toddlers.
Instead of helping them feel empowered, endless choices can sometimes create more opportunities for frustration and power struggles.
What I’ve Been Learning
I’ve realized that my toddler often does better when I take the lead and offer limited choices. Majority of the time I do but maybe not enough.
You might ask:”What do you want for breakfast?” but even asking “Do you want eggs or pancakes?” Can be too much for a toddler.
Instead you can say something like “Breakfast is eggs and toast. Would you like the blue plate or the green plate?” This takes more initiative while allowing your toddler/child to have control by making a choice.
Instead of:”Do you want to go outside?”
I say:”We’re going outside. Do you want your sneakers or your sandals?”
This still gives him a sense of control while allowing me to guide the day.
Parents Lead, Kids Decide
One parenting idea that I have learned over the years is
Parents decide what, when, and where. Kids decide whether and how much.
As parents, we provide the meals. Our children decide if they want to eat and how much.
We decide it’s time to go outside. They can choose which shoes they’d like to wear.
This simple shift can remove a lot of pressure from both of us as parent and child.
And Sometimes It’s NOT About the Choices
Not every difficult day is caused by too many options.
Sometimes toddlers in general are:
- Overtired
- Hungry
- Teething
- Going through a growth spurt
- Feeling under the weather
- Simply having an off day
Looking back, my toddler had only eaten a banana that morning and seemed unusually emotional. Maybe he needed a nap. Maybe he wasn’t feeling his best.
Not every meltdown needs to be solved. Sometimes our kids just need extra patience and understanding.
I’m learning that being a responsive parent doesn’t mean asking my child to make every decision.
The most helpful thing I can do is calmly take the lead, offer simple choices, and lower my expectations for the day.
Because let’s be honest—some days, both moms and toddlers are just trying to make it to bedtime.
I put together a quick Calm Toddler Reset Cheat Sheet with easy strategies you can use in real life (especially on the hard days) Click here for *FREE* Access–> CALMING Toddler Reset Cheat Sheet_
Like this post? Continue joining me in my journey as I talk about Weaning My Cosleeping Toddler From Nursing: An Emotional Journey Ahead
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